1012 - The One With Phoebe's Wedding
Written by: Robert Carlock & Dana Klein
Produced by: Robert Carlock & Wendy Knoller
Transcribed by: Coffee Mug, Eleonora, Sebastiano &
[Scene: Central Perk. Joey's sitting on the couch and
Phoebe: Oh, hey Joey.
Joey: Uh, hey.
Phoebe: Listen, I need to ask you something. Ok, you
know how my step dad's in prison.
Joey: (afraid) Yeah.
Phoebe: Yeah. Well, uhm... listen he was supposed to
get a weekend furlough, so he'd come to the wedding
tomorrow, but he just called and... uhm... well, apparently
stabbing Iceman in the exercise yard just couldn't wait
Joey: So he can't come?
Phoebe: No, and so there's no one to walk me down the
aisle and... well, I would just really love it if you
would do it.
Phoebe: Yeah, you've... you know, sort of been like
a dad to me. I mean, you've always, you know, looked
out for me and shared your wisdom...
Joey: I am pretty wisdomous.
Phoebe: So... what do you say?
Joey: Are you kidding? Phoebe, I would be honored.
Phoebe: Oh, thank you. I hope... I hope you know how
much you mean to me.
Joey: (takes her hand) Listen, I hope... that you know...
(has difficulty saying it) I don't want you to see your
father cry, GO TO YOUR ROOM!
[Scene: Central Perk. Phoebe and Joey are sitting on
the couch. A waitress brings a coffee and Phoebe wants
Joey: Oh no, no, no, let your dad get this.
Phoebe: (her mobile phone rings) Oh, it's my wedding
planner. She's driving me crazy! (she answers) Hello...
Hey, ok, stop screaming! Ok? So, halibut. All right,
so salmon, either way. I don't-I don't... it doesn't
matter to me!
Monica: (she enters with a headset on and she's speaking
into the microphone) Well, it matters to me!
Phoebe: Well, I don't care, so you pick!
Monica: Did you just hung up on me? (she hangs up too)
All right, look, I need you at the rehearsal dinner
tonight at 1800 hours.
Phoebe: Uh-uh. Ok. What time is that.
Monica: You don't know military time?
Phoebe: Why, I must have been in missile training the
day they taught that.
Monica: Just subtract twelve.
Phoebe: Ok, so... 1800 minus twelve is... one thousand,
seven hundred and...
Monica: (screaming) Six o'clock!
Monica: Ok. Hold on. (her mobile phone rings) Geller
here! No! I said it has to be there by 4 o'clock. Goodbye.
(she hangs up) Oh, how hard it is to make an ice sculpture?
Phoebe: Ice sculpture? That sounds really fancy! I
told you I just want a simple wedding.
Monica: Please... honey, leave the details to me. Now
I wanna make this day as special for you as I can. Now,
ok, I was thinking that the harpist should wear white.
Phoebe: What harpist? My friend Marjorie is playing
the steel drums.
Monica: Ooh... she backed out.
Phoebe: She did? Why?
Monica: I made her. (Phoebe looks shocked) Steel drums
don't really say "elegant wedding". Nor does
Marjorie's overwhelming scent.
Phoebe: (looking angry) Hey! She will shower when Tibet
[Scene: The wedding rehearsal dinner.]
Chandler: You look great. I'm so glad we're having
this rehearsal dinner, you know, I so rarely get to
practice my meals before I eat them.
Phoebe: Okay, what did we say was your one gift to
Chandler: No stupid jokes. I thought that was for the
Phoebe: Rehearse it!
Ross: Hi! (he kisses Phoebe)
Mike: Thanks for coming you guys.
Ross: Oh, (he goes towards Mike in order to shake hands
but Mike hugs him) hey, oh... I... I was-I was going
for a hand shake.
Mike: Is that why your hand is pressed against my crotch?
Ross: That is why!
Phoebe: So Rach.
Phoebe: Where is Emma?
Rachel: Oh, Monica made me send her to my mother's.
Apparently babies and weddings don't mix.
Monica: (coming) Are you still crying about your damn
baby? Pheebs, you gotta keep the line moving, remember,
20 seconds per person. Your see these clowns all the
time! (she takes off)
Joey: Hey, you're Mike's parents, right?
Mike's mother: Yes, we are.
Joey: Ah, our little ones are growing up fast, uh?
Mike's father: How's that?
Joey: You know, on the one hand you're happy for them,
but on the other hand it's hard to let go.
Mike's father: Who in God's name are you?
Joey: Hey, I'm not that fond of you either, ok buddy?
But I'm just trying to be nice for the kids!
(Cut to Ross, Chandler and Rachel)
Chandler: (to Rachel) You know what I just realized?
We have no idea what we're doing in the wedding tomorrow.
Ross: Yeah, I thought we'd be groomsmen, but wouldn't
they have asked us by now? When did they ask you to
be their bridesmaid?
Rachel: Uh... November?
Ross: I wanna say it's not looking good.
Rachel: Hey Pheebs...
Phoebe: What's up?
Rachel: Uhm... you haven't told these guys what they're
doing in the wedding yet.
Phoebe: Uhm... well, they're not in the wedding.
Ross: What? (Ross and Chandler don't know what to say,
so there's an embarrassing long pause)
Rachel: Well, this is really awkward (staring at the
floor) Oh, and I can leave!
Phoebe: I'm sorry you guys but, you know, Mike's got
his brother and his friends from school so... you know,
you were, you were... if it helps you, you were next
in line, you just, you just missed the cut.
Ross: Oh, man!
Chandler: This is like figure skating team all over
again. (Phoebe and Ross glare at him astonished) I mean
synchronized swimming. (they continue to glare) I mean-
I mean the balance beam. (to Ross) Help me!
Chandler: Thank you.
Monica: (looking at Phoebe eating something) Pheebs,
spit that out, that has pork in it.
Phoebe: Oh! I though the pot stickers were supposed
to be vegetarian!
Monica: Yeah, I changed them. I, I sent you a fax about
Phoebe: I don't have a fax machine.
Monica: Ah, well then there are gonna be a few surprises!
Ross: I can't believe we're gonna be the only people
that aren't in this wedding.
Chandler: I know, I hate being left out of things.
Ross: And it's a wedding! It'd be weird if I'm not
Mike: Hey guys, how is it going?
Chandler: Fine. We're just sitting here. Alone. Doing
nothing. It's our rehearsal for tomorrow.
Mike: Yeah look, about tomorrow, I... I've got a question
for ya. I just found out that one of my groomsmen had
had an emergency and can't make it.
Chandler: What happened?
Ross: Who cares, AND?
Mike: ...and I was wondering if... you know, maybe
one of you guys...
Ross: (stands up) I'll do it!
Chandler: (standing up too) M-Me, me, me!
Mike: You both wanna do it? Uhm... there's only room
Chandler: Pick me, I look great in a tux and I will
not steal focus.
Ross: No, Mike, no, no. You wanna pick me, I mean...
watch! (he mimics the groomsmen's way of walking down
the aisle with a bridesmaid) Huh?
Mike: You know, I really don't feel very comfortable
making this decision. You know, Phoebe knows you better,
I'm gonna let her choose. (he leaves)
Ross: (to Chandler) Well, if Phoebe's choosing, then
say hello to Mike's next groomsman.
Chandler: Oh, I will. But I will need a mirror... as
he is me!
Ross: Please, you're going down!
Chandler: You are going downer!
Ross: Is that what they say on the Figure Skating Team?
Chandler: (almost crying) I wouldn't know, I didn't
make it! (they hug)
[Scene: Wedding rehearsal dinner. Joey and Mike are
Joey: So, you know I'm filling in for Phoebe's step
dad, tomorrow, right?
Mike: Yeah, yeah. Hey, thanks for doing that.
Joey: Oh, hey, my pleasure. (he suddenly becomes very
serious) So what are your intentions with my Phoebe?
Mike: I intend to marry her.
Joey: Oh, a wiseacre. (Mike looks bewildered). No,
no, no, I understand you plan to support your wife by
playing the piano? Isn't that kind of unstable?
Mike: No more so than acting.
Joey: Strike two!
Mike: You're right. She probably will support me. Hey,
unless we move in with you, dad?
Joey: Strike three! You only get one more, Mike!
(Cut to Chandler and Ross. Phoebe comes out of the
ladies room and they run toward her.)
Ross: So, what did you decide?
Phoebe: I decided to pee.
Chandler: Mike didn't tell you? You have to choose
one of us to be in your wedding. One of his groomsmen
Phoebe: Oh no, no. I can't choose between you two!
I love you both so much!
Chandler: Just not enough to put us in the original
Phoebe: Oh, I don't wanna choose! It's (Rachel is walking
by). Oh okay, wait. Rach! Listen I have a very special
bridesmaid task for you today.
Rachel: (excited and clapping her hands in front of
her face) Goody, what is it!
Phoebe: Well, there's a spot open for only one groomsman
and you have to choose between Ross and Chandler. So
good luck with that.
Rachel: What, what, what, no, I don't wanna do that.
Phoebe: All right, I guess I'll have to find a new
Ross: I'll do it! (Monica approaches)
Monica: Ok, it's 2100 hours. (to Phoebe) Time for your
toast. (Mike appears)
Mike: Do I have a minute to go to the bathroom?
Monica: You had a bathroom break at 2030. Pee on your
own time, Mike! (to Phoebe and Mike). Now, in regard
to the toast, okay, you wanna keep them short, nothing
kills a rehearsal dinner like long speeches. Okay. You
just get in, do your thing and get out!
Mike: Is that what you say to Chandler?
Monica: (very serious) It's 2101 and I am not amused.
(pause). Ok, the bride and groom have a few words they'd
like to say. (Everyone sits and Phoebe gets up)
Phoebe: Ok. Hello everyone and thank you all for being
here tonight. So tomorrow's the big event and some of
you might not know, but Mike and I didn't get off to
the best start. (she reads a note). My friend Joey and
I decided to fix each other up with friends so I, I...
(Monica is twirling her hands in order to make Phoebe
speed up her speech) oh I... hum... I gave it a lot
of thought and I fixed him up with my friend Mary Ellen
who couldn't be here tonight because... (Monica is tapping
her watch with her finger) it's not important... she
is in rehab. Anyway, so, ok, Joey said that he was fixing
me up with his friend Mike, only he didn't have a friend
Mike so he just brought, uhm, my Mike and, and (Monica
clears her throat) but despite, you know... it got...
it got good. Ok, I wanna take a moment to mention my
mother, who couldn't be here...
Monica (rolling her eyes): oh God.
Phoebe: And... moment's over! (Rachel, Joey and Chandler
all turn and look disapprovingly towards Monica but
she just shrugs it off) So, ok, uh, I can forget that.
I can forget that and uhm... (she's flipping cards skipping
half of them) Oh this is funny! Oh, but you need to
know that to... that, to... Oh, ok, well, uhm, I (Monica
is miming CUT). Ok, ok, I, ok, I.... MONICA I CAN'T
DO IT LIKE THIS! THIS IS MY WEDDING! OKAY, I DON'T WANT
THIS (she mimes Monica's when she was twirling her hands)
OR THIS (she taps her watch) OR THIS (she mimes CUT)
OK? I JUST WANTED A SIMPLE WEDDING! WHERE MY FIANCEE
CAN GO TO THE BATHROOM ANYTIME HE WANTS! (pause) You
know what? You're done.
Phoebe: YOU'RE FIRED! (mimes the CUT again) (pause
and she raises her glass) Cheers! (Chandler raises his,
smiling and Monica stares at him and he puts down his
[Scene: Joey's apartment. Joey's having breakfast;
Phoebe enters the room carrying her wedding dress.]
Rachel: Happy wedding day!
Phoebe: Oh, happy my wedding day to you!
Rachel: Okie-dokey, Joey, listen. This is gonna be
bridesmaid central, all right? We're gonna have hair
and make-up going on in the bathroom and oh, I had to
move a couple of things in the fridge to make room for
Joey: Oh, man! I wouldn't have had breakfast if I knew
there was going to be corsages!
(Monica enters the room)
Monica: Hi. About last night... I know you are under
a lot of stress and even though the things you said
hurt me a little bit... My point is, uh, well, I'm willing
to take my job back.
Phoebe: Oh, well that's ok. I think you and I will
do much better if you're just... here as a bridesmaid.
Monica: Oh, is that so? Ok. If that's really what you
want, then here... I give you the headset. Well, I don't
really want to give you the headset. Well I guess if
you're taking over, you should probably return these
messages. (hands her a stack of papers with messages
and calls to return)
Phoebe: Wow, this is a lot!
Monica: Uh-huh, but I'm sure you can handle this. I
mean, I have won awards for my organizational skills,
but, uh, I'm sure you'll do fine.
Phoebe: You won awards?
Monica: Mm-mh. I printed them out on my computer.
(Ross enters the room)
Ross: Where's Rach?
Monica: She's in her room, why?
Ross: I have to talk to her about this groomsman situation,
ok? I'm not gonna watch Chandler up there while I'm
sitting in the seats like some chump! (he goes to Rachel's
room, knocks the door and enters the room). (very fake
gasp) Oh! My God! You're breathtaking!
Rachel: What d'you want?
Ross: You haven't by any chance chosen a groomsman
yet, have you?
Rachel: Oh, Ross, c'mon, please! Don't make this harder
than it already is!
Ross: I'm not! I'm making it easier! Pick me!
Rachel: Well, Chandler said that it's really important
to him too!
Ross: Listen, listen. Whoever you pick is gonna walk
down the aisle with you! Now, I promise I won't say
a word, but if you pick Chandler he's gonna be whispering
stupid jokes in your ear the whole time!
Rachel: Oh, you are the lesser of two evils!
Ross: (waving his fist in the air in triumph) YES,
[Scene: Joey's apartment. Phoebe is talking at the
phone, Monica is listening amused.]
Phoebe: Sven I don't understand what you're saying!
What is wrong with the flowers? Lorkins? What the hell
Monica: I know.
(Mike enters the room).
Phoebe: Listen, Mike, if you were Swedish and you were
saying the word "lorkins" what flowers would
Mike: (thinks a moment) Orchids?
Phoebe: Right there! That's why I'm marrying you!
(Joey comes out from his room)
Joey: (to Mike) Hello Michael.
Joey: May I have a word with you, please?
Mike: (looking around the room) This is... great...
Joey: Have a seat. (Mike sits on his bed, and Joey
towers over him. He starts talking in an Italian godfather-type
voice) Last night, I tried to welcome you into my family...
and instead, you disrespect me... (shakes his head)
I cannot allow this.
Mike: (not amused) Are you rehearsing for some really
bad mafia movie?
Joey: More back talk. And yes, I may be borrowing a
few lines from my recent unsuccessful audition for "Family
Honor 2: Thissa Time Itsa Personal."
Mike: Joey, I kinda have a lot to do today, what do
Joey: I want you to take this seriously! Phoebe is
very very important to me, ok? And I wanna make sure
that you are gonna take care of her.
Mike: (gets up) Joe, I love Phoebe. She's the single
most important thing in my life. I'd die before I let
anything happen to her.
Joey: (very satisfied and smiling) That's what I wanted
to hear! Because she's family, ok, and now you're gonna
be family, and there is nothing more important in the
whole world, than family.
Mike: That must have been one lousy movie.
Joey: (almost crying) That was ME!
[Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Chandler is
pacing and Rachel walks in.]
Chandler: Hey, can I talk to you about this groomsman
thing? If you pick Ross, he'll walk you down the isle
just fine. But if you choose me, you'll be getting some
Rachel: Even so, I think I'm gonna pick Ross.
Chandler: Let me tell you why you need to pick me.
(Goes to sit on the couch facing backwards to the kitchen.
Rachel gets a chair and sits opposite him) See, when
I was a kid, I was always left out of everything, you
know, and it really made me feel... insecure. You know,
I was always picked last in gym. Even behind that big
fat exchange student who didn't even know the rules
to baseball. I mean, this guy would strike out and then
run to third. Anyway, If I'm the only one left out of
this wedding, I just know that all those feelings are
gonna come rushing back.
Rachel: All right fine, I pick you.
Chandler: (Getting up and raising his fist in victory)
Y-Y-YEEESSS! Make "groom" for Chandler.
Rachel: (not amused by his pun but forcing a smile
anyway) Oh my...
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment. Phoebe is on the
phone and Monica is nonchalantly "minding her own
Phoebe: No! We're gonna do it my way. (listens) Because
your way is stupid! Alright I gotta go, I have another
call, Reverend. (switches calls) Hello?
(Mike and Joey come out of Joey's room)
Joey: I'm glad we had this little talk.
Mike: Yes. Yeah and thanks for all the wedding night
advice. (walks away) That didn't make me uncomfortable
at all! Alright, so I'll see everybody tonight?
(Mike opens the door and there is a gigantic ice sculpture
standing in the doorway)
Mike: Uhm, did you guys know that there is a giant
ice sculpture in the hall?
Phoebe: Oh my God, what's it doing here?
Monica: (Obviously enjoying this setback) Ugh, I guess
it got sent to the billing address as opposed to the
shipping address. (by now she can barely keep herself
from smiling) Uh! What a pickle.
Phoebe: (starting to panic) Oh my God, everything is
such a mess. Why is this happening to me?
Joey: (staring at the ice sculpture) How bad do you
want to stick your tongue on that? (They all glare at
[Scene: Central Perk. Ross is getting coffee at the
counter. Chandler walks in.]
Chandler: How's it going?
Ross: (smiling to himself) Good. I'm just getting some
coffee. So I'm alert for the wedding.
Chandler: (smiling to himself too) That's what I was
Ross: (barely containing himself at this point) Well,
you have fun tonight.
Chandler: You too.
Ross: Oh, I will.
Chandler: Me too.
(They walk passed each other, Ross towards the door,
Chandler towards the counter, suddenly they turn around
to face each other)
Ross: Wait a minute, I know why I'm being such an ass,
why are you?
Chandler: I'm not supposed to tell you.
Ross: I'm not supposed to tell you!
(Cut to Joey and Rachel's apartment. Chandler and Ross
storm in looking very unhappy)
Chandler: You told us both we could be in the wedding?
(they both stare at Rachel)
Rachel: Well, in my defense, you were not supposed
to tell each other.
Ross: Rachel, only one of us can do it, you have to
choose. You and me together again. (he winks at her
and Rachel looks disgusted)
Chandler: Rach, Rach, knock knock.
Rachel: Who's there?
Chandler: I'll tell you at the wedding.
(Mike walks in.)
Mike: Hey, I forgot my scarf.
Rachel: You know what, I can't do this. I don't know
which one of you guys to pick.
Mike: Oh, you haven't picked yet. Oh good, 'cause I
had an idea. I thought it would be fun if the third
groomsman was my family dog. Chappy.
Ross: What? A dog? No! Rachel gets to choose.
(all eyes turn to Rachel)
Rachel: (sarcastic) Wow, this is a tough one. I think
I'm gonna have to go with the dog.
(Ross and Chandler look shocked)
(Cut to Phoebe who is in the living room, still on
Phoebe: Alright, wait, so what you're saying is that
the chef is at the Hamilton Club, but the food is not
and the drinks are there, but the bartender is not?
Are you, are you FREAKING KIDDING ME!?
Monica: (enjoying what she's seeing) How's it going?
Phoebe: (to Monica) Help me.
Phoebe: I want you to be Crazy Bitch again.
Monica: (Sounds moved) Really?
Phoebe: (Nearly in tears) Please?
Monica: You really want me to come back?
Phoebe: More than I wanna get married.
Monica: Ok people, we are back in business! (Gets her
headset out of her purse) Oh God, we've missed you soo
much! (takes all the notes from Phoebe) Ok, go and get
your hair and make-up done, and I'll take care of everything.
(Joey walks in)
Joey: Hey, what are you guys gonna do?
Phoebe: (sounds scared already) About what?
Joey: The blizzard. I just saw on the news, it's like
the worst snow storm in 20 years! They already closed
all the bridges and tunnels. (Opens the curtains to
reveal a snow storm outside)
Monica: Ooh! But the band and the photographer are
coming all the way in from New Jersey!
Joey: I don't think they are.
Ross: (to Rachel) Haha! Looks like you're not going
to be in the wedding either. (Looks at Phoebe) So sorry
[Scene: Monica's apartment. They are all sitting around.]
Monica: (Putting down her phone) Well, the club lost
Joey: Yeah according to the news, most of the city
Rachel: Since when do you watch the news?
Joey: Uh, for your information, since they hired a
very hot weather girl.
Ross: (To Phoebe and Mike) I can't believe you guys
aren't going to be able to get married today.
Phoebe: I know.
Rachel: Wow, you know, it's so beautiful out there.
You always wanted to get married outside. Why don't
you guys just do it on the street?
Rachel: Well, look, it's hardly snowing anymore. I
mean you couldn't ask for a more romantic setting. This
could be the simple wedding you've always wanted!
Phoebe: (Turning to Mike) What do you think?
Mike: I think I wanna get married to you today.
Phoebe: Me too! (turning to Monica) Monica, do you
think we could do it?
Monica: (thinking) AFFIRMATIVE!
[Scene: Outside. They are a bunch of people arranging
chairs, shoveling snow and making other preparations.]
Monica: (walking around with her headset still on) OK
LET'S GET THESE CHAIRS OUT HERE! Gunther, hit the Christmas
lights. (He does so and the lights above the chairs
light up. Monica looks satisfied) Okay, who left the
ice sculpture (picks up a piece of ice from the ground)
ON THE STEAM GRATE? (nobody answers)
Mike's mom: Michael!
Mike: Hey! You made it. Great! Chappy! Hi! (kisses
his dad) Hi! (kisses his mom) Mom, I know getting married
in the street isn't something you approve of...
Mike's mom: No... It's lovely. The lights and the snow.
I could look at them forever.
Mike's dad: (leans in towards Mike) I crushed a pill
and put it in her drink... (to his wife) Come on, sweetheart.
Mike: (to Chandler and Ross) You know, Chappy's too
small to handle all this snow. Someone's gonna have
to walk him down the aisle.
Chandler: So technically, would this person be in the
Mike: I guess.
Chandler and Ross: I'll do it!
Ross: No, but Chandler, hello... Aren't you scared
Chandler: I'm not scared. (moves towards Mike and Chappy)
I'll just take little Chappy and... (he backs out) HE
CAN SENSE MY FEAR. MY THROAT IS EXPOSED.
Ross: (takes Chappy from Mike) Well, I guess I'm in
the wedding then. Ha haaa... (smells Chappy) He stinks!
Monica: Level 1 alert. I repeat, level 1. This is not
a drill. Okay we've got a situation. The minister just
called. He's snowed in. He can't make it.
Mike: Oh, no!
Joey: Oh hey, don't worry. I'm still ordained from
Joey: Yeah, you'd think I'd give up being a minister
and start paying to ride the subway? Uhh-uh...
Ross: Uhm, ministers don't ride the subway for free.
Joey: I had to read the Bible pretty carefully, but...
yeah we do.
Monica: Okay, if Joey does the ceremony, then we have
to find someone else to walk Phoebe down the isle.
Chandler: (quickly) I'll do it.
Chandler: (to Ross) Na ha ha... (to Chappy) Ne he he...
(Ross moves Chappy to Chandler, who quickly backs away)
Monica: Okay, Mike and Joey, get in position. Chandler,
come with me. (they walk off, Ross looks down to Chappy,
who he's holding and he gets a whiff of the dog's smell.
He is clearly disgusted by it.)
(Cut to inside Central Perk where Rachel is helping
Phoebe. Chandler and Monica enter.)
Monica: Okay, Joey's doing the ceremony and Chandler's
giving you away.
Phoebe: Oh, okay. Hi new dad. (Chandler waves)
Monica: So, you're ready to do this?
Phoebe: Uhuh, uhuh... Oh my God! This is really happening.
Rachel: Oh Phoebe, I'm so happy for you honey. (she
gives her a kiss)
Phoebe: Oh, thank you.
Monica: I love you. (Phoebe leans in to kiss her.)
Oh, wait, wait, wait! No hugs. The dresses... Oh what
the hell. (the girls hug)
Phoebe: I love you guys.
Rachel and Monica: I love you.
Monica: Okay. (in her microphone) It's zero hour. All
teams execute on my count. (to all) Let's get this bad
boy on the road.
Chandler: (to Monica) Is it okay that I want you to
wear that head set in bed tonight?
Monica: (checking her clipboard) I have you scheduled
for nudity at 2300 hours.
Chandler: Oh yeah! (Monica walks outside)
Monica: Okay Marjorie, hit it.
(A woman with a steel drum and a guy with a xylophone
start playing an instrumental version of "Can't
Help Falling In Love" by Elvis Presley. A bridesmaid
and a groomsman walk down the isle. Next are Rachel
and Ross, who carries Chappy in his arms.)
Rachel: Geez Ross, you could have showered.
Ross: It's the dog.
(we cut to Monica)
Monica: Groomsman, groomsman, why are you just standing
there, where is your bridesmaid? (into microphone) We've
got a broken arrow. Bridesmaid down! (realizes) Oh,
(She walks down the aisle with the groomsman. We cut
to inside Central Perk, where Phoebe and Chandler are
Phoebe: (nervously) Okay.
Phoebe: Oh wait, oh no. Wait.
(She takes off the coat she was wearing over her wedding
dress, which is violet and has a darker shade petticoat
underneath which shows at one side where the dress is
lifted up to about the height of her hip and connected
to the petticoat. She's wearing a veil over her curly
hair and a low cut top with straps only just hanging
over her shoulders.)
Chandler: Wow! Aren't you gonna be cold?
Phoebe: I don't care... I'll be my something blue.
Chandler: You look beautiful.
Phoebe: Thank you.
(They start to leave Central Perk. The band starts
to play "Here, There and Everywhere" by the
Beatles. The crowd rises from their seats. Phoebe and
Chandler walk down the aisle. Phoebe really glows with
happiness. So does Mike who watches her walk down the
isle. When Phoebe and Chandler arrive, they kiss and
Phoebe walks to her bridesmaids.)
Mike: My God! Aren't you freezing?
(the music ends)
Joey: Friends, family, dog... Thank you all for being
here to witness this blessed event. The cold has now
spread to my special place... so I'm gonna do the short
version of this. Phoebe and Mike are perfect for each
other. And I know I speak for every one here... when
I wish them a lifetime of happiness. Who has the rings?
(one of the groomsmen gives the rings to Joey)
Joey: (whispering to Phoebe) Okay...
Phoebe: When I was growing up, I didn't have a normal
mom and dad, or a regular family like everybody else,
and I always knew that something was missing. But now
I'm standing here today, knowing that I have everything
I'm ever gonna need... You are my family. (She puts
the ring on Mikes finger)
Mike: Phoebe you're so beautiful. You're so kind, you're
so generous. You're so wonderfully weird. Every day
with you is an adventure, and I can't believe how lucky
I am, and I can't wait to share my life with you forever.
(He puts the ring on Phoebe's finger.)
Phoebe: Oh wait, oh I forgot... and uhm... I love you...
and you have nice eyes.
Mike: I love you too.
Ross: Uh Joey...
Ross: Chappy's heart rate has slowed way down.
Joey: Oh, okay. Phoebe, do you take this man to be
Phoebe: I do.
(Joey has a "Yeah you do" smile on his face)
Joey: Mike, do you take this woman to be your wife?
Mike: I do.
Joey: I now pronounce you... husband and wife.
(Phoebe and Mike kiss)
Phoebe: I got married! (everyone applauds) Could someone
get me a coat, I'm freaking freezing.
(Mike takes off his coat to give to Phoebe and the
steel band plays "The Wedding Song")
[Scene: The hallway between the two apartments. Chandler
and Joey are walking up the stairs.]
Chandler: That really was an incredible wedding.
Joey: It was, yeah. I kind of don't want it to end.
Hey, you wanna come in for a drink and a bite of corsage?
Chandler: I'd love to, but it's 2300 hours and I'm
about to have the most organized sex anyone's ever had.
Joey: Nice. Oh hey, what about Ross?
Chandler: I don't know. Maybe he hooked up with that
hot girl he was talking to.
(cut to the street in front of Central Perk where Ross
is walking Chappy. He has a plastic bag in his hand.)
Ross: Come on Chappy, do your business. MAKE! MA-AKE!
I did not sign on for this.
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