1005 - The One Where Rachel's Sister
Babysits
Written by: Dana Klein
Produced by: Robert Carlock and Wendy Knoller
Transcribed by: Coffee Mug, Eleonora, Sebastiano &
Vanessa
[Scene: Central Perk]
Rachel:
You know, I'm thinking about letting Emma have her
first cookie.
Joey: Her first cookie?
She has cookies all the time!
Rachel: I've never
given her a cookie. Have you?
Joey: No! No... and,
for the record, I've also never given her a frosting
from a can!
Monica: Hey Rach, the
adoption agency needs letters of recommendation and
we were wondering if you would write one for us.
Rachel: Of course,
I'd be honored!
Chandler: Thanks!
Monica: Thank you!
(Joey looks at them, disappointed about
their decision)
Joey: U-U-Um, I think
there's been an oversight.
Chandler: Joey, we
would've asked you, we just thought you wouldn't be
interested.
Monica: Yeah, it's
just we don't think of you as really being so much
"with the words".
Joey: Whoo-weh hey
weh-hey whoo hey!!
Monica: Clearly
we were wrong.
Joey: I gotta a lot
of nice stuff to say about you guys, ok? And I know
how much you wanna have a baby, you know, and I would
love to help you get one.
Monica: You know what?
Then, Joey, we want you to do it.
Joey: Thank you! Alright,
let me see how I'm gonna start... "Dear baby
adoption decider people..."
Chandler: So
excited about your letter!
(Phoebe enters)
Phoebe: Hey!
All: Hey Phoebe!
Joey: Hey!
Monica: Wow! Don't
you look nice?!
Phoebe: Yes, I do!
Today is Mike and my one-year anniversary.
Rachel: OH! What's
it the anniversary of? Your first date, your first
kiss, first time you had sex...
Phoebe: YEAH!
Chandler: So you must
be going to somewhere fancy to celebrate?
Phoebe: Uh-uh. Ehm,
a Knicks game.
Joey: Uhm... Aren't
you a little overdressed?
Phoebe: Hey, you know
what, I've never had a one-year anniversary before,
so no matter where we go, I'm wearing something fancy
pants, and... I'm gonna put on my finest jewelry and
we're gonna have sex in a public rest room.
Monica: You guys do
that? Chandler won't even have sex in our
bathroom!
Chandler: That's where
people make number two!!
OPENING CREDITS
[Scene: Ross' apartment.
Ross is grading papers. Charlie approaches him.]
Charlie: Hey! (They
kiss and cuddle a little)
Ross: Hey...
Charlie: So, you know...
I have a little time. If you... if you want to...
Ross: (surprised) Oh...
(he pauses) (sounds disappointed) Ohh... I'd love
to but I really have to grade these papers.
Charlie: Fine, it's
fine... (she whispers) I'll just shower by myself...
Ross: (Writing on the
papers) B, B, B, B, B!
Charlie: Oh, Ross,
you gave a B to a Pottery Barn catalogue.
Ross: Well, it had
some good ideas, take off your shirt.
(they start kissing but someone knocks
at the door)
Ross: Damnit!
Amy: (yelling from
outside) Rachel!! Open up!! It's your sister!! (she
knocks on the door again) I have to talk to you!!
Ross: (he opens the
door) Hi Amy!
Amy: You're not Rachel.
Ross: Still sharp as
a tack!
Amy: Um... Charlie,
this is Rachel's sister Amy. Amy, this is Charlie.
Charlie: Hi!
Amy: Hi!
Charlie: Nice to meet
you.
Amy: H-Hi!!(to Ross)
And you are...?
Ross: (pause) Ross?
I... I grew up on your block! We had Thanksgiving
together last year... I had a baby with your sister!
Amy: (looks confused)
N-no... uhm... did I buy a falafel from you yesterday?
Ross: (gives up) Yes,
yes, you did.
[Scene: Joey and Rachel's
apartment]
(Ross enters the apartment with Amy)
Ross: Hi Rachel! Here's
your sister Amy! She thinks I need pec implants!
Rachel: Amy! Hi! Oh-oh-hoh!
(they hug) Wow! You remember Joey?
Amy: Yeah! Hey, sure!
The "Days of Our Lives" guy!
Joey: That's right,
yeah.
Amy: You're not
good!
Joey: Always nice to
meet a fan!
Rachel: So now, what
are you doing here?
Amy: Well, I have huge
news.
Rachel: (Emma starts
crying in the other room) Oh sorry, hold on. Let me
just check on the baby!
Amy: Wait, this is
important! Can Ella wait? (Rachel goes to Emma)
Ross: Ehm... Her name
is Emma.
Amy: Why did you change
it, Ella was so much prettier!
Ross: What do I know?
I just sell Middle Eastern food from a cart!
Amy: Hey, your English
is getting better!!
Ross: (to Joey) Oh
my God!
Joey: I know, she may
be the hottest girl I've ever hated.
Ross: What... what
you working on?
Joey: (using a laptop)
Oh, Monica and Chandler's recommendation. I want it
to sound smart but.. I don't know any big words or
anything, so...
Ross: Why don't you
use your Thesaurus?
Joey: What did I just
say?
Ross: Watch. (he takes
the laptop) Here, you ehm... You highlight the word
you want to change.
Go under Tools and the Thesaurus generates... 'gives'...
'gives' a whole list of choices. You can pick the
word that sounds smartest.
Joey: Oh my God, that's
great! I'm smart!! No, no, I'm... (he uses the Thesaurus)
"brainy, bright, clever", I love this thing!
Look out ladies, Joey Tribbiani's got the whole package!!
[Scene: Rachel's room.
Rachel is attending to Emma. Amy is standing behind
her.]
Rachel: God!
Amy: So beautiful.
Rachel: Oh, I know,
isn't she?
Amy: No, I was talking
about your bedding.
Rachel: All right.
What's your news, Amy?
Amy: Oh! Um... Well...
I'm getting married.
Rachel: What? Oh my
God! To who?
Amy: This guy! He has
a killer apartment.
Rachel: A-And??
Amy: A-And it's on
Fifth. And the elevator opens up right into the living
room.
Rachel: No, what's
he like?
Amy: Oh! He's ok. Do
you remember my old boyfriend Mark?
Rachel: Yeah.
Amy: It's his dad.
Rachel: Huh... wow,
so he's gotta be...
Amy: Old? Yeah! But
he travels a lot, so he's hardly ever there.
Rachel: Sweety, I gotta
tell ya... it sounds a little bit like you like the
apartment more than you like...
Amy: Myron. Hmm...
I told you he was old!
Rachel: Oh... sit down,
sit down. Oh, honey, you know, I once also almost
married somebody that I didn’t love. Do you
remember Barry?
Amy: Humpf, remember
him? How we used to make out all the time after you
went to sleep.
Rachel: Sometimes just
nodding is ok. (pause) Uhm, so but anyway, listen,
not marrying Barry was the best decision that I ever,
ever made. Honey, you deserve true love. Your soulmate
is out there, somewhere. Someone that is your
age, that is smart, that is fun
and that you care about!
Amy: (thinks about
it) You’re right, you’re right! I’m
gonna do it!
Rachel: Ok.
Amy: I’m gonna
marry Myron and keep looking for Mr Right.
Rachel: Ok, let’s
keep talking.
[Scene: Madison Square
Garden. Mike and Phoebe are walking to their seats.]
Phoebe: Excuse me,
anniversary. Excuse me, anniversary. (looking at her
ticket). Uhm, sir, could you move your nachos... they’re
in my seat. It's my anniversary. (to Mike) Here we
are! (Mike nods). Can’t believe it's been a
whole year!
Mike: I know. This
has been the best year... (the crowd starts cheering
so he starts yelling) THIS HAS BEEN THE BEST YEAR
OF MY LIFE!
Phoebe: ME TOO! I NEVER
THOUGHT I COULD LOVE SOMEONE THIS MUCH!
Mike: I FEEL THE SAME
WAY!
Phoebe: YOU’RE
SO GENEROUS AND KIND AND (crowd stops cheering) YOU'RE
AMAZING IN BED (everyone hears it and stare at them.)
(to everybody) IT’S OUR ANNIVERSARY!
Announcer: Knicks fans,
please turn your attention to the big screen on the
score board. Someone has a special question to ask.
(on the screen there’s written ‘Julie,
will you marry me?’ and goes on to show a guy
kneeling down in front of a girl holding out a ring
to her)
Phoebe: Oh how lame...
oh, it’s so tacky, and impersonal.
Mike: Really?
Phoebe: Oh, it’s
the worst way to propose!
Mike: (looks strangely
shocked) Excuse me... (he leaves, then Phoebe realizes
what she did).
[Scene: Monica’s
apartment. Joey enters the room]
Joey: Hey, finished
my recommendation. (he hands it over to Chandler)
Here. And I think you’ll be very, very happy.
It’s the longest I ever spent on a computer
without looking at porn.
Chandler: (reading)
I don’t... uh... understand.
Joey: (sounding very
proud of himself) Some of the words are a little too
sophisticated for ya?
Monica: (also reading
it) It doesn’t make any sense.
Joey: Of course it
does! It’s smart! I used the the-saurus!
Chandler: On every
word?
Joey: Yep!
Monica: Alright, what
was this sentence originally? (shows the sentence
to Joey)
Joey: Oh, ‘They
are warm, nice, people with big hearts’.
Chandler: And that
became ‘they are humid prepossessing Homo Sapiens
with full sized aortic pumps...?
Joey: Yeah, yeah and
hey, I really mean it, dude.
Monica: Hey Joey, I
don’t think we can use this.
Joey: Why not?
Monica: Well, because
you signed it baby kangaroo Tribbiani (Joey makes
a 'and-what’s-wrong-with-that' look). Hey, why
don’t you stop worrying about sounding smart
and just be yourself!
Chandler: You know
what? You don’t need a thesaurus, just write
from here, (points at his own heart) your full sized
aortic pump.
[Scene: The corridor.
Amy knocks Joey’s door and Rachel opens the
door.]
Rachel: Amy, hi!
Amy: I took your advice,
I left Myron.
Rachel: Oh, good for
you!
Amy: I know! I'm Erin
Brockovich!
Rachel: Yes you are!
Oh, I am so proud of you!
Amy: Thank you! So,
can I stay with you?
Rachel: But Erin Brockovich
had her own house.
(Joey comes out of Monica’s apartment
and sees Rachel and Amy but does not notice the huge
amount of bags)
Joey: Ah, look who’s
back! (he sees the bags) Why do you have bags? RACH,
WHY DOES SHE HAVE BAGS?
Amy: Well, I’m
staying with you guys!
Joey: What?
Amy: We’re gonna
be roomies! (she snaps her finger and points at Joey,
snaps her fingers again and points to the bags) Come
on!
[Scene: Joey’s apartment.
Rachel is in the living room and Joey comes out of
his room.]
Joey: You slept out
here?
Rachel: Yeah... Amy
kept kicking me in her sleep yelling ‘Myron,
get off!’
Joey: But uhm, we're
getting rid of her, right? Rach, please tell me we’re
getting rid of her.
Rachel: Joey, I can’t
do that!
Joey: Oh, come on!
Last night I was finishing off a pizza and she said
(aping Amy badly) "Uoh oh oh, a moment on the
lips, forever on the hips!" I don’t need
that kind of talk in my house!
Rachel: Well Joey,
uhm look, I know that she’s difficult, but I
think it’s really good that she’s here.
Joey: 'Cause we will
appreciate it more when she’s gone?
Rachel: No, it's just...
look, you know, when I first moved to the city I was
a lot like her! I was spoiled, self-centered and you
guys really took care of me.
Joey: Yeah, Monica
made us!
Rachel: Well, uhm...
whatever, I have really appreciated it, 'cause I don’t
think I would be the person that I am today if it
wasn’t for you guys. See, I wanna help Amy the
way you guys helped me. And I know it’s gonna
take patience, but that’s ok.
Amy: Good morning.
Joey: Yeaah.
Rachel: Amy, that’s
what I was supposed to wear today, that’s why
I hung it on the door.
Amy: Oh, sweety, you
can’t pull this off.
Rachel: Amy, you know
what? I was thinking that maybe now it'd be a good
time for us to sit down and, you know, talk about
your future.
Amy: Oh, I can’t,
honey. I’m gonna go get my eyebrows shaped.
(points at her eyebrows) I am not happy. (to Joey
who has a pizza box in his hands) Oh... sure you wanna
eat that?
Joey: (yelling at her)
I’M CURVY, AND I LIKE IT!
[Scene: Monica’s
Apartment. Rachel, Ross, Monica and Chandler are there,
Phoebe enters the room]
Phoebe: Hi. I just
had the worst anniversary ever.
Chandler: I doubt that!
Tell her about us last year.
Monica: Oh, well, I
bought Chandler a five hundred dollar watch and he
wrote me a rap song.
Ross: Seriously?
Chandler: Word!
Phoebe: Well, mine
was worse than that.
Rachel: Well, what
happened?
Phoebe: We were at
the game, and this guy proposed to his girlfriend
on the big screen thing...
Rachel: Oh, that is
so tacky.
Phoebe: Well, that’s
what I said, but it turns out, Mike was planning on
proposing to me that same way last night!
Monica: Oh my God,
Mike was gonna propose?
Rachel: Phoebe, that’s
huge!
Ross: Well, do you
wanna marry him?
Phoebe: Yeah, I really
do! Yes, but, after I dumped on the way he was gonna
propose to me, I don’t think he’s ever
gonna ask again! I mean, I said no in Barbados and
now this!
Chandler: She's right!
If I were a guy and... (stops himself mid-sentence...everyone
stares at him) Did I just say if I were a
guy..?
Monica: Maybe you don't
need him to propose to you, maybe you can propose
to him!
Phoebe: Oh, I don't
know, I don't know, isn't that a little desperate?
Monica: I proposed
to Chandler! (Phoebe stops herself from laughing)
Alright, moving on...
Chandler: Oh, I don't
think it was desperate, I think it was amazing!
Monica: Thank you.
Phoebe: (To Rachel
and Ross) Well, do you think I should propose?
Rachel: I think it
could be kind of great!
Ross: Absolutely! You'll
love the feeling! There's nothing like it!
Phoebe: Ok, ok, so
how should I do it?
Monica: How about at
a game, on the big screen?
Rachel: (Sarcastically)
Uuuh!! How about at a Footlocker? (claps her hands
together, faking excitement)
Monica: What? what?
He obviously thinks that's a nice way to be proposed
to, plus he'd never suspect it!
Phoebe: Yeah, that
does make sense. Ok, now, would... would you two (points
to Ross and Chandler) like that?
Chandler: Sounds good
to me... but what would a guy think?
(Amy walks in carrying a phone handset)
Amy: (To Rachel) Nana
is on the phone (Hands the phone over to Rachel)
Rachel: (Takes the
phone) Oh! That's interesting, since she died seven
years ago!!
Amy: She did? Who got
her condo in Boca?
Rachel: (Into the phone)
Hello? (announces to Amy) Oh, it's our nanny! (goes
back to the phone conversation) Hi! Oh... God! I hope
you feel better! Ok, bye! (Hangs up) (To Ross) That's
Molly, she's sick. Can you watch Emma today?
Ross: No, I can't.
I have back-to-back classes. Did Molly say what she
had? Because my throat's been hurting?
Rachel: Menstrual cramps.
Ross: I don't think
that's what this is.
Rachel: (To Monica,
Chandler and Phoebe) Can any of you watch Emma?
Monica: No, sorry sweety..
Phoebe: No, I've got
work and then I'm proposing..
Rachel: (To Ross) Great,
shoot, what are we gonna do?
Amy: Well, I can do
it.
Rachel: (Thinks for
a moment) Well, actually...
Ross: (He interrupts
her immediately, and drags her by her arm to the other
side of the room) Well, can I talk to you for a sec.?
Rachel: Yeah.
Ross: Um, I do not
want her baby-sitting our child.
Rachel: Why not?
Ross: Well, for one
thing, she keeps calling her Ella!
Rachel: (Defends Amy) Wha.. well,
Ella's a nice name!
Ross: Fine, we'll call
the next one Ella.
Rachel: (Shocked) Wha...
the next one?
Ross: (a little confused)
Okay, um... I don't want her watching our baby.
Rachel: Ross, I am
trying to help her become a better person. This is
a huge breakthrough for her! She just offered to do
something for another human being!!
Ross: I... I don't
know..
Rachel: Ross, I'm telling
you, she's giving up getting her eyebrows (points
at her own to emphasize the word) shaped to do this
alright? Do you understand how important that is in
our world?
(Amy approaches from behind)
Amy: um... listen,
I couldn't help but overhear... 'cause I was trying
to... Listen, let me do this alright? I really wanna
help you guys out, and plus Rachel's been so wonderful
to me... (looks at hem pleadingly)
(Rachel looks at Ross and her agrees
silently)
Rachel: Absolutely.
Amy: (very excited)
Oh! Great! So how much does it pay? (Ross just gives
up and leaves)
[Scene: Central Perk.
Joey is inside, Chandler and Monica walk in.]
Chandler: Hey Joe!
How's the second draft of the letter coming?
Joey: Great, I'm finished!
In fact, I just dropped it off at the agency.
(Chandler and Monica look shocked)
Monica: You dropped
it off?
Joey: Yeah.
Chandler: Can we read
it? Can you print out another copy?
Joey: No can do amigo.
No, I didn't use the computer. Felt more personal
to hand-write it. (Chandler and Monica look even more
shocked)
Monica: You hand-wrote
it?
Joey: Yeah, and don't
worry. I didn't try to sound smart at all!
See ya later! (Leaves)
Monica: Oh my God,
oh my God, that letter is gonna go in our file! We're
never gonna get a kid. No, we're gonna be one of those
old couples that collects orchids or has a lot of
birds!
Chandler: It's ok,
it's ok. You know what? (Takes out his mobile) I'll
just call the agency and tell them to throw out the
letter. (starts dialing)
Monica: Okay good.
Chandler: (on the phone)
Hello, this is Chandler Bing. Somebody just dropped
off a handwritten recommendation letter, and.. (listens)
Uh-huh... Uh-huh... okay... thank you. Good-bye. (hangs
up looking very confused).
Monica: Ugh, we're
screwed, aren't we? You know what? Just tell me on
the way to the bird store.
Chandler: (Still looks
confused) They loved it.
Monica: What?
Chandler: They thought
it was very smart of us to have a child write
the recommendation letter.
Monica: (surprised)
They thought Joey was a child?
Chandler: She guessed
8, 9, based on his drawings.
(Amy comes in with Emma in a stroller)
Amy: Hi!
Monica: Hey, what did
you guys do today?
Amy: Ella wanted to
go out, so we went shopping and got some sushi.
Chandler: That sounds
like fun.
Amy: Yeah, not really.
Babies are dull.
(Rachel comes in, sees Amy and Emma)
Rachel: (To Emma) Hey!
Hi, how's my girl?
Amy: I'm fine! And,
I got you a present for letting me stay with you.
Ready?
Rachel: (sounds excited)
Yeah!
(Amy takes off Emma's hat)
Amy: Ta-daaa!
(Rachel looks at Emma)
Rachel: (not excited
anymore) You pierced her ears!?
Amy: (Very excited
about it) Doesn't it make her nose look smaller?
(Rachel looks very shocked)
COMMERCIAL BREAK
Rachel: You pierced her ears? How
could you do this without telling me?
Amy: Well, if I had
told you, then it wouldn't have been surprise, now
would it?
Chandler: I think she
looks cute. (Rachel turns around and stares at him
angrily) ... but I am wrong!
Rachel: Oh my God,
Oh my God, here comes Ross. He's gonna flip out.
Amy: Why, did something
happen to his falafel cart?
Rachel: Ugh. (takes
the hat and covers Emma's head and half her face with
it)
(Ross enters)
Ross: Hey guys.
Monica and Chandler: Hi Ross.
Ross: Hey Emma. Oh,
why is she wearing her hat so low? She can barely
see. (Wants to take the hat off, but Rachel tries
to stop him).
Rachel: Nah, I don't
really want her to see.
Ross: Why not?
Monica: Because there
are so many terrible sights in this world.
Chandler: Like war.
Or that thing in Joey's refrigerator. Remember? It
was in a milk carton but it looked like meat?
Ross: Come here (Removes
Emma's hat) Oh! There she is! Hi!
(Rachel looks worried)
Ross: (sees how strangely
Monica, Chandler and Rachel are looking at him) What?
Rachel: Nothing.
Ross: (Back to Emma)
Hi! (Looks at her) What... (Moves the stroller away
from him so he can get a better look at her. He looks
at her confused. Finally he realizes the difference
and gasps). Please tell me those are clip-ons.
Rachel: Oh, they're
real!
Ross: Did she (points
at Amy) do this to her? I told you we shouldn't have
left Emma with her!
Rachel: I know, I know,
and you were right Ross. (To Amy) You are soo
irresponsible I am never letting you baby-sit ever
again!
Amy: Hey you know what,
this kid needs me, okay? She needs to have a cool
fun aunt!
Monica: I'm a cool,
fun aunt!
Amy: (Sarcastically)
O-Okay!
Chandler: Hey! Monica
can be cool and fun at organized indoor projects!
Rachel: I can't believe
this. All I wanted to do was help you try to figure
out what to do with your life and this is how you
repay me?
Amy: Well, I don't
need you to help me, because I already know what I'm
going to do with my life.
Rachel: Oh yeah? Since
when?
Amy: Since today...
I am going to be a baby stylist.
Rachel: (looks at Ross
and then at Amy again in disbelief) What?
Ross: That's not a
thing!
Amy: Well, it should
be. I'm gonna help babies learn how to accessorize,
what colors to wear, what clothes are slimming...
Rachel: (shouting)
Babies don't care if they're slim.
Amy: Enter Amy!
Ross: (very angry)
Amy, I ju... I just... I just wanna...
Amy: What? What are
you gonna do?
Ross: (pointing at
Amy, shouting) No more falafel for you!
(Amy looks at Ross, angrily. Rachel
clearly doesn't understand what he meant and looks
at Ross who gestures "later".)
[Scene: Madison Square
Garden. Phoebe and Mike are watching the game. There's
cheering, but Phoebe seems distracted.]
Mike: Great game, huh?
Phoebe: Uhuh, uhuh...
(seems distracted)
Mike: Why do you keep
looking at the screen?
Phoebe: I'm not. I'm
praying. (looking up) Please let the Knicks win...
Thank you Thor! (Mike is standing up) Where... where
are you going?
Mike: Going go to the
bathroom.
Phoebe: Well, I think
you should wait.
Mike: Why?
Phoebe: Well, if you
don't... if you don't hold it in, you don't get all
the nutrients.
Announcer: Knicks fans,
please turn your attention to the big screen on the
scoreboard. Someone has a special question to ask.
(We see the screen where it says: "Mike
will you marry me?" and then we see Phoebe and
Mike on the screen. Phoebe stands up and kneels in
front of Mike.)
Phoebe: Mike Hannigan...
will you marry me? (Mike looks bewildered)
Announcer: Get a load
of this... She's proposing to him.
Guess we know who wears the pants in that
family. (people are laughing, while Mike still seems
bewildered)
Phoebe: That's not
very enlightened!
(There's booing around them, and Mike
sinks in his chair, holding his hand in above his
eyes, hoping no-one would recognize him)
Phoebe: Hey, hey! (shouting)
Boo us? Boo you!
[Scene: Rachel and Joey's.
Joey is in the kitchen and the telephone rings.]
Joey: (picks up the
phone) Hello? Yeah, this is Joey Tribbiani... Oh,
hi! Well, I'm glad you liked my letter... No my mommy
and daddy aren't home right now... (looks puzzled)
Okay, bye bye. (hangs up) (to himself) She was nice!
(Rachel and Amy enter)
Rachel: Joey, get Amy's
bags, she is moving out!
Joey: Whoo-hoo! (and
leaves for Rachel's room)
Amy: You're kicking
me out?
Rachel: You put holes
in my baby's ears!
Amy: Yeah well, at
least now people will know she is a girl!
Rachel: (gasps) I can't
believe I ever even tried to help you. You are so
beyond help.
Amy: You know what?
Ever since I got here, you have been nothing but negative.
Rachel: Excuse me?
Amy: You didn't want
me to marry the old guy with the great apartment.
Then, I tried to help your daughter to de-emphasize
her flaws (frantically pointing at her nose) And suddenly
I am the bad guy?
Rachel: (yelling) Joey,
where are those bags?
Joey: (Yelling from
Rachel's room) She has a lot of crap!
Amy: You know what?
When I moved in here I thought: This is gonna be so
great. Just us sisters, back together again like when
we were kids, except without that stupid Jill... Oh!
Who has gotten fat by the way...
Rachel: (doesn't believe
what she's hearing) Seriously?
Amy: hm-mmm... Mom
said she gained like fifteen pounds.
Rachel: Hips or thighs?
Amy: Ass and face.
Rachel: (gasps) Oh!
Oh my God! I thought she was on Atkins.
Amy: She was. Carbs
found her... See, this is what I wanted. Two sisters,
talking about real stuff.
Rachel: (embarrassed)
Oh, I can give you that.
Amy: You can?
Rachel: Yeah. I just,
I kept trying to make you a better person, but you're...
you're already a pretty perfect version of what you
are.
Amy: (touched) Thank
you. I've got to admit, Emma does look cute.
Rachel: Did you just
say Emma?
Amy: Ugh, I'm sorry...
Ella.
[Scene: Mike and Phoebe
at a restaurant.]
Phoebe: That woman
at the game didn't know what she was talking about.
Mike, obviously you have balls.
Mike: But please, let's
just forget the whole thing.
Phoebe: (the waiter
puts a piece of cake on the table) I would love it.
Consider it forgotten... But just so you know... however
and whenever you decide to propose, I promise I'll
say yes. Whether... whether, you know, it is in a
basketball game, or in sky writing, or you know, like
some lame guy in a cheesy movie who hides it in the
cake.
(Mike's face changes from happy to sad,
and he looks at the cake, disappointed.)
Phoebe: It's in the
cake, isn't it?
Mike: (puts on a fake
smile) Where else would lame Mr. No Balls hide it?
(he takes the ring from the cake, and cleans it with
a napkin)
Phoebe: What's the
matter with me? How do I keep ruining this? I'm sorry,
I'm sorry!
Mike: No! It's my fault.
I keep trying to propose in these stupid ways and
all I wanna do is tell you that I love you and I want
to spend the rest of my life with you.
(Phoebe has this weird, anxious, nervous
look on her face)
Mike: I'm gonna do
this now.
Phoebe: Oh my God!
(Mike starts to kneel in front of Phoebe.)
Mike: Phoebe, I...
Phoebe: Wait! Oh wait!
(she takes off a ring that was already on her left
ring finger. After that Mike starts to kneel again,
but then...) Oh no! (She was wearing rings on all
her fingers and her thumb, and takes all of these
off.)
Mike: Ready?
Phoebe: Uh-huh! (and
now Mike kneels properly)
Mike: Phoebe, I love
you. There's no-one else in the world I would ask
to marry me... three times. But I wanna take care
of you, have babies with you, and grow old with you...
Phoebe Buffay, will you marry me?
Phoebe: Yes!
(Mike puts the ring on her finger)
Mike: I love you!
Phoebe: I love you
more!
Mike: Not possible!
(they kiss, and then Mike says proudly...) She's gonna
be Mrs. No Balls.
(They kiss again, and Phoebe looks at
the ring.)
COMMERCIAL BREAK
[Scene: The street in
front of Central Perk. Rachel and Amy are walking
on the sidewalk.]
Rachel: So how is the
uhm... baby styling business going?
Amy: Not that great.
It's almost if people don't want to hear that their
babies are ugly.
Rachel: That's shocking!
Amy: Oh! It's Ross...
Hey Ross! (She says hey to the guy at the falafel
stand, whose only similarity with Ross would be his
black hair.) Hello-oo Ross! (to Rachel) He's rude!
THE END
